


Secret thoughts

by Fujitsu



Category: Gintama
Genre: Humor, M/M, One Shot, Romance, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 20:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14173107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujitsu/pseuds/Fujitsu
Summary: One night can be relaxing, then annoying and even surprising.





	Secret thoughts

He was sitting on a bar stool, drinking his sake in good company. The atmosphere was great until Kondou-san drank a little too much and started to whine about his poor trying to win Otae-san’s heart. He and Okita had to listen about how that gorilla woman had beaten him up again, and how their relationship wasn’t going anywhere. _What relationship? They aren’t even going out._ Thought Hijikata as he drew a last from his cigarette, then slowly blew out the smoke and stubbed it out in the nearest ashtray. This would have continued for hours if the bar’s owner hadn’t warned them about the closing time.

After they settled the account Okita helped their miserable Commander up and they started to walk to the exit when the bartender called out to Hijikata.

“Excuse me Officer-san, could you take him home too, please?”

Hijikata looked at the direction where the man pointed. There was somebody sleeping, his head was on the counter. His silver hair illuminated in the bar’s lamp light. Hijikata immediately recognized the sleeping and probably drunken Gintoki. _No! Why the idiot Yorozuya?!_

Hijikata wanted to refuse the request, but according to Kondou-san, nowadays the Shinsengumi’s reputation not the best, so they always had to take the opportunity to improve it. Even if he had to take a drunken bastard home. He sighed in defeat and looked at the bartender.

“Of course Sir, don’t worry about him.”

“Thank you very much.” He bowed to Hijikata with a smile and moved to clean the counter.

The demonic Vice Commander stepped beside the sleeping Gintoki and started to shake his shoulder.

“Oi, Yorozuya bastard if you don’t wake up I’ll kick your ass!”

Gintoki grunted then slowly opened his vermilion eyes to meet with a pair of cold cerulean ones. _Beautiful._ This was his first thought when he looked into the blue infinity. The silver samurai could have enjoyed the view for hours but he saw the growing annoyance on Hijikata’s face so he opened his mouth.

“What do you want?”

“Come on, stand up! I’ll take you home.”

Gintoki didn’t want to believe what he just heard. Hijikata the Shinsengumi’s Oni no Fukuchou wanted to take him home?! He put his head back on the counter and started to laugh.

“Oi you drunken fucktard what is so funny?”

Now Hijikata really wanted to punch him but the bartender was still there so he couldn’t risk his…no…the Shinsengumi’s already unsatisfactory reputation. He clenched his fist and tried to restrain himself.

“You are just kidding, right?” Said Gintoki still snickering.

“No! Now stand up already!” He grabbed the Yorozuya’s arm and pulled him up forcefully from the bar stool.

“Ouch! Oi, it hurts you idiot! If you are this forceful you’ll rip off poor Gin-san’s arm!”

“Don’t be so noisy! I just help, so you should be thankful!”

“For what?! That you tear away my arm?! What the hell do you think you’re doing? What will I do with just one arm?”

“You’re just a useless scamp who do nothing, so one arm is enough for you!”

“Have you ever tried to ride a scooter with just one arm? What if I cause an accident?”

“It doesn’t matter because you cause accidents with two arms, too! Now shut up and let’s go!” He started to pull Gintoki but the sugar freak bastard didn’t move.

“Let me go! I don’t need your help, I can walk alone.” The natural perm head twisted his arm free from Hijikata’s grip but he barely took some steps, he started to feel dizzy. He almost fell, so quickly grabbed the Vice Commander’s shoulder.

“Okay….I can’t walk alone.” He murmured under his nose so Hijikata just barely heard him.

Hijikata sighed and put Gintoki’s left arm over his own neck and took a hold of his waist, then they got to walk. _Why is he have to be so troublesome?_

While they walked Gintoki felt the warmth radiating from Hijikata. _He is so close._ To this thought his heartbeat suddenly began to raise. Truth to be told he had a crush on the mayonnaise crazy Vice Commander for months. When they first met he had thought he was just an annoying, chain-smoker bastard with anger issues but later he had realized they were similar in some ways. And actually Hijikata was very handsome in his eyes in spite of he was a man. At the beginning he hadn’t wanted to admit it not even for himself. When he had seen him patrolling in Kabukichou he always had felt something in his stomach, it had been like a swarm of bees tried to escape from his belly. He even had started to enjoy their encounters despite most of the time it ended up in an argument or a fight. At first he had imagined the worst, maybe he had some diseases or his brain had some problems, so he had gone to the hospital but according to the doctor he was healthy just needed to be careful with sugar. _Yeah maybe the too much sugar is the problem._ However sooner or later he had to accept the truth. Now the difficulty was that Hijikata wasn’t the kind of person who you could approach with these issues, especially as a man. So Gintoki tried to keep it in secret even if it meant him to suffer.

He felt his face also became warmer. Now he was really appreciated the darkness so Hijikata couldn’t see the blush on his cheeks but actually it didn’t matter, he could just blame the alcohol.

“Why did you drink so much if you can’t bear it?” His train of thoughts was interrupted by Hijikata’s voice.

“When you celebrate it’s natural to drink with your friends.”

“Celebrate?”

“Yeah. Madao got a new job. He was so enthusiastic about it so we went drinking.”

In fact Hasegawa-san once or twice in a month asked Gintoki to go to a pub with him. It always had two possible reasons; he got a new job so they celebrated the whole night. Of course, in this case Madao, proud of his salary, always paid their drinks. Or he got fired so Gintoki, as a good friend, had to hear out his complaining about how miserable his life. On these occasions also Madao paid, because he always said without job and salary he would die soon in starvation, and in the afterlife he didn’t need money, so he wanted to enjoy his life one last time. And who was Gintoki to refuse free drinks.

“That doesn’t mean you have to drunk off your ass.” As they walked Hijikata felt the perm head became heavier and heavier. “Hey, if you don’t walk properly I’ll leave you in an alley!”

“Could we stop…just a bit?” Gintoki grabbed Hijikata’s uniform with his free hand; his head fell on the Vice Commander’s shoulder. Tobacco and something Gintoki presumed as Hijikata’s own scent radiated from his clothes. _Even though he is smoking he has a nice smell._

“Oi, I chop you to pieces if you puke on me!” He tried to push off the drunken bastard but suddenly he felt something off. _What the hell? Is he…sniffing me?_ He pushed away Gintoki’s head from his shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing jerk?”

“You smell good.” Hijikata blushed in surprise after he heard his comment. “Oh, don’t tell me that Gin-san made you embarrassed?” The stupid smirk on Gin’s face made him angry so he stepped hard on his foot.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“There was a cockroach.” He said it calmly.

“Huh????”

He just ignored Gintoki’s surprised reaction and walked faster. He heard his complaining beside him but he didn’t slow down and pulled the idiot with him. _What the hell is wrong with this naturally permed idiot?_ Now maybe he affected by the alcohol, but Hijikata had already noticed that something wasn’t right with him in the past few weeks. He always felt his gaze on him, sometimes when they gathered together he saw the glances what Gintoki sent in his direction when he thought he wasn’t watching. Occasionally he caught him with a flushed face, but every time he said something about the weather or his temperature. At first he hadn’t given much importance to it, but Hijikata wasn’t stupid. _It can’t be! He doesn’t like me that way, right?_ The more he mulled over it the more he didn’t understand.

Actually he didn’t hate him, when he was less annoying he even enjoyed his company. They had that strange love-hate relationship between them that’s why they were more rivals than friends. _But become more than this…it’s scary._ He had already lost his loved one once, in reality they never had been together, but after Mitsuba’s death he feared to lose more people dear to him. And to be honest he still didn’t know how he felt about Gintoki. So he thought it’s better to pretend ignorance.

They finally arrived at the Yorozuya’s place. Hijikata dragged the mumbling burden up the stairs and tried to open the door.

“Where are the kids?”

“They are with Shinpachi’s sister at the Shimura dojo.”

“Do you have a key?” He didn’t even finish his question he started to look for it in Gintoki’s pocket.

“Wa..wait, I can give it to you. No need for touching!”

They got inside, took off their shoes and walked toward the living room. He put the Yorozuya on the coach and started to walk back to leave his place. He suddenly felt Gintoki grabbed his clothes.

“Are you leaving already?”

“I brought you home. I won’t look after your drunken state.”

“At least put me into my futon. Gin-san will get a cold while sleeping on the couch.”

“I don’t care!”

“How cruel!”

He took a few steps toward the door then stopped in front of it and looked back. He watched Gintoki’s steadily rising and falling chest. His breathing was heavy and regular, probably already asleep. _He will be fine. Nothing will happen so I don’t give a shit. Useless idiots don’t catch a cold so it’s okay to leave, right?….Right?_ He wanted to open the door to go home already, but he still just stood there, hesitated. _Dammit!_

He turned back and went to the Yorozuya’s bedroom to put his stupid futon out. After that he moved back to where the good-for-nothing bastard fell asleep.

“Oi, your futon is ready so don’t sleep on the coach!” Gintoki just mumbled something so he pulled him up and helped him into his bedroom. He lay him down and covered him with the blanket.

“Thank you. You are really kind Oogushi-kun.”

“Just sleep already.”

Gintoki suddenly took his hand and called out to him with a soft voice.

“Hijikata-kun.” They stared at each other, seconds passed in silence. When Hijikata wanted to open his mouth the silver head spoke before him.

“I love you.” The Vice Commander’s eyes widened, he never thought the perm head would ever confess to him.

When Gintoki saw the man’s reaction he realized he did something stupid. _Oh shit! I said it. WHY??? Stupid alcohol!!!_ He really didn’t want to make their already complicated relationship more difficult so he had to figure something out very fast. _Maybe if I…_

Hijikata couldn’t say anything just looked at Gintoki’s smiling face. Seconds later the smiling samurai started to snicker then he couldn’t hold it back anymore and began to laugh hard.

“I..haha..I’m just kidding! You should see your face.” His eyes were teary because of the laughing. “Anyway, I know I’m annoying right now. Thank you for taking care of me. Be careful on your way home.” And with this he turned on his side, his back was facing Hijikata.

Hijikata just looked at him dumbfounded. He felt somehow…disappointed? _No! Never! I don’t even like him so…why am I…feeling strange?_ He didn’t think more, just grabbed Gintoki’s shoulder and turned him on his back.

“Oi, someone want to sleep here. What are you doi…” He was silenced with a pair of lips on his own.

At first he was surprised at Hijikata’s sudden act, but it didn’t take long for him to relax. He slowly closed his eyelids and started to kiss back the man on top of him.

Hijikata’s heart began to beat faster when he felt Gintoki was kissing him back. He wanted to deepen the kiss so he licked the silver-head’s bottom lip, asking for entrance which Gintoki, with a quiet gasp, gladly gave him. When their tongue met both men felt warmness was building up in their stomach and chest. Gintoki sucked on Hijikata’s tongue while his arms wrapped around the Vice Commander’s neck and his hand went to grab a full of that silky black hair. The kiss was sweet and a little bit bitter, maybe because the mayo freak smoked before. Hijikata felt the alcohol and also sweetness because of sugar or parfait or whatever this sweet tooth bastard ate before.

It felt like the kiss lasted for hours but in reality just some minutes passed. When they parted both of them panted harshly while they looked into each other’s eyes deeply.

“Woah…that was gre…” Gintoki couldn’t finish his sentence, he was overtaken by a heavy wave of tiredness and fell asleep.

Hijikata just watched Gintoki’s peaceful sleeping face, slowly reached out and stroked some stray locks away from his eyes. The silver, curly hair felt smooth between his fingers. He discovered that he actually liked this idiot’s permed curls.

“Good night stupid.” He smiled and stood up to go home.

As he closed the door and walked slowly away the Yorozuya’s home his thoughts went back to the events what happened before. He kissed Gin and to be honest it felt amazing but this kind of happiness was forbidden to him. He didn’t want more trouble in his life he already had and they were both men…it just wouldn’t work. He had to accept that the sugar freak probably would forget about the kiss when he wake up because of his drunken state so he just had to move on with his life and also forget his mistake. Because it was a mistake, a stupid slip due to his weak mind, his body just moved and somehow it happened. Or maybe it was the hormones. _That’s right! Stupid hormones._

Deep in his thoughts he lit a cigarette. As he breathed in the smoke he felt his mind become calmer. He had to get back to the barracks as soon as possible, tomorrow he had to wake up early.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever. Lately I'm very into Gintama and Ginhiji so this shit happened. I hope you enjoyed reading it. If you liked it please tell your opinions or just leave kudos. Thank you! :)


End file.
